Dealing with a Lonely Dog
Our
dogs are pack animals. They’re highly sociable
creatures with a genuine need to socialize and interact.
Because we humans have done such a bang-up job in
domesticating our canine friends, socialization with
other dogs isn’t enough for your friend: you
are the center of your dog’s world. She needs
to spend time with you.
Of course, this is sometimes easier said than done.
Life, for most of us, is pretty busy, and at times
it’s difficult to find genuine pleasure in performing
the most basic of caretaking tasks for our dogs. When
time is short, responsibility becomes a burden.
It’s even worse when added responsibilities
or increased demands on our time begin to detract
from the quality of the time we do spend with our
dogs. If other stresses are weighing heavily on your
mind, everyday pleasures with your dog can morph from
a joy into a headache – the half-hour walk after
work is just one more thing to get through, rather
than an opportunity for you both to unwind and spend
some time together in mutual, tacit admiration of
the natural world.
Whether we like it or not, the lifestyles that we
choose (to a certain extent, anyway) to put ourselves
through – a general dearth of time, moderate
to high stress levels, job anxiety, shifting personal
commitments – affect our dogs as well as ourselves.
Sensitive pooches can become so negatively impacted
by the less-than-positive frame of mind held by their
owners that they themselves become depressed and anxious.
Other, more well-adjusted dogs suffer through isolation:
when obligations are pressing, the twice-daily dog
walk can be the easiest thing to relegate to the back
of the line (your dog can hardly raise his voice in
outrage, can he?).
Making time for our dogs isn’t always as easy
as we would like it to be. But it doesn’t have
to require a huge input of time or a Herculean amount
of energy: there are ways that we can include our
dogs in our lives without spending minutes and hours
that we don’t have.
Here are a few suggestions:
Bring her along with you. When you’re running
errands – picking up the mail, dropping children
off to music lessons, soccer, and Little League, stopping
by at work – your dog will jump at the chance
to come along. Even if she stays in the car, the opportunity
to get out of the house and enjoy a change of visual
and olfactory scenery will be genuinely welcomed by
her – and it’s a good way for the two
of you to spend some casual one-on-one time together.
If your errands involve other people (ferrying kids
around, picking up a spouse, visiting a friend), accompanying
you can go a long way towards meeting her social requirements
for the day, too. (Tip: if you’re going for
the Big Grocery Shop, or plan on doing something else
that requires an extended absence from the car, best
to leave her at home – any more than half an
hour alone in the car is pushing the boundaries of
responsible ownership for most dogs.)
Invite her into the bedroom. You don’t have
to ask her up on the bed with you; she can sleep on
her own dog bed, either in the corner of the room
(most dogs prefer to sleep with something at their
backs) or next to your bed. This is a fantastic way
of spending “down-time” with your dog
(you’re both enjoying the same pastime in an
undemanding way), and of increasing your bond, too.
Dogs like to sleep with their pack (that’s you!).
As pack animals, they’re hardwired to enjoy
close contact with others during their most vulnerable
hours. It reinforces their sense of togetherness and
security. By allowing your dog into your bedroom at
night, you’re fostering closeness with your
friend. And it’s easy, too!
Spend time in mutually-enjoyable activities. Walking
the dog becomes a chore when it’s boring –
if you’re enjoying yourself, you’ll be
more likely to devote more time to it, which is good
news for your dog, yourself, and your relationship
with each other. Don’t feel like you have to
limit yourself to the same old twenty-minute circuit
round the park – break out and explore new territory.
As much as dogs love to reinvestigate familiar turf,
they appreciate new sights and sounds too, so try
the riverbank, the dog beach, a different park, dog
exercise yards (you get to chat with other owners,
too, while your dog makes new friends), hill trails,
or go for a walk downtown – with your friend
on a leash, of course.
Perfect the art of multi-tasking. Whenever I’m
cooking dinner or reading a book, my Rottweiler plumps
himself down about two feet away from my ankles and
stares at me dolefully from under wrinkled, upslanted
brows. This used to bother me: I could almost sense
the waves of silent accusation wafting off him. “Why
aren’t you playing with me?” I felt like
he was asking. “How come whatever that is gets
your attention when I don’t?” As much
as I love him, I still feel that I’m entitled
to my one or two chapters a night (and a well-cooked
dinner); so I decided to counteract the tear-jerking
expression on his face by learning to multi-task.
So now, cooking time is also training time: I use
the momentary hiatus in between stirrings and choppings
to practice Sit and Down. Reading time has become
read-and-cuddle time: we sprawl on the couch together,
I get to relax and read my book, and he gets his tummy
rubbed while he snoozes. If I had a TV, I’d
use my TV-watching time for grooming time, too.
Counteract the “one-man dog” tendency.
If you live in a multi-person household, it makes
things easier on you if you can share the responsibility
around a bit. It’s healthier for your dog, too
– the more she interacts with the people that
she lives with, the better. You can share responsibilities
like walking, playtime, feeding, and grooming: the
more social stimulation your dog gets, the happier
she’ll be. If you have children in the household,
the amount of responsibility they get is really best
decided on a case-by-case basis: some younger children
are perfectly OK to walk the dog, but some can find
the experience traumatic and scary (which makes it
unsafe for the dog, too). As a general rule of thumb,
before allowing a child out of doors and unsupervised
with a dog, make sure you’re OK with how the
dog and the child interact. The dog should obviously
know that the child “ranks” above her
in the social hierarchy of the household, and obey
her commands reliably; the child should be able to
handle herself confidently with the dog, and know
the basic rules of dog-walking etiquette (leash-laws,
poop-scooping, dog-on-dog social protocol, and so
on).
Obviously, these tips aren’t intended as a substitute
for that quality and quantity of time together that
your dog lives for – and that makes life as
a dog-owner so rewarding and fun, too. Your dog still
needs to spend active, focused time with you, in training,
playtime, general cuddling/manhandling, and exercise.
But with a little forethought and effort, you can
go a long way towards ensuring her emotional and psychological
welfare without adding too much to your own workload.
For more information on responsible dog ownership,
including detailed advice for handling and preventing
problem behaviors, step-by-step how-to’s for
obedience work and tricks, and an in-depth look at
canine psychology and communication, check out Secrets
To Dog Training. It’s the ultimate resource
for dog owners!
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